Everything I Know About Networking, I Learned the Hard Way: Why you need to find your professional doppelgänger
Barack Obama is a well-known fan of Game of Thrones. Back in the day, he famously used his presidential status to score early access to episodes. I even once heard someone claim that Obama said he learned more about politics from watching Game of Thrones than from actually working in Washington DC.
Okay, that quote is so obviously a lie, a stupid lie at that, but secretly I want it to be true. That’s because I feel like I learn a lot about leadership from watching TV.
Take my current obsession: House of the Dragon. Declaring my love for that show often seems to piss people off, or they lose respect for me. It’s usually disgruntled Game of Thrones fans.
Guys, it’s a different show. Get over it.
Ever heard of an armchair footballer? Well, call me an armchair Queen.
Watching Rhaenyra in House of the Dragon as she suffers through the realities of leadership makes the things that are hard about my own role feel way easier.
This is the season where she finally ascends to the throne. How sweet. It’s everything she’s always wanted. Except, it’s not.
Someone has run off with all the crown’s money. Her subjects are poor and hungry and she can’t pay her soldiers enough to keep the peace. The most realistic part is that her period always seems to come at inopportune times. Ah, the dreaded menses. Never invited to the party but always the first guest to turn up.
And of course, she screws up. She shows weakness. She’s naive. She’s arrogant. She relies on questionable advisers, all with their own ulterior motives. She starts to lose her mind.
If we’re being real, I find Rhaenyra highly relatable.
For starters, we’re both married to a dashing silver fox (but mine isn’t my uncle, obvs). Her hair is the same colour as my favorite wig. And both of us are navigating our first year in a new role.
In my delusional imagination, Rhaenyra and I would be best mates, maybe even… lovers. Hatching schemes and strategies while braiding each other’s hair.
She may be a fictional character in a make-believe world with dragons and magic, but I watch her and think “girlfriend... I know what that feels like”
Over the last year I’ve discovered something even more reassuring than watching a fictional queen have a terrible time: finding real people at the same stage in their careers as me.
I call them my doppelgängers
Look, I speak German. I know what I’m describing isn’t exactly a doppelgänger. It actually means your lookalike and has traditionally had rather sinister literary associations. But stick with me on this. I'm reclaiming it, Chenai style.
One of the most useful things I’ve done recently is get to know other professionals who are at roughly the same stage as me. It might be someone who has recently acquired a business, is one or two years into carrying responsibility for a serious P&L, or is stepping into a leadership role where the buck suddenly stops with them.
They are often, but not always, women. My favourite doppelgängers are people trying to lead in traditional industries without sanding off all the bits of themselves that made them interesting in the first place.
They might be in a completely different industry, come from a completely different background or be dealing with completely different customers, but they are in the same boat.
I can mention that I am worried about cash flow or admit that a prospect has completely ghosted me and discover they are too. Something that felt uniquely embarrassing suddenly feels completely ordinary once somebody else says, “Oh God, me too.”
To be honest, they are probably on LinkedIn on a Friday night instead of TikTok or Instagram.
Networking sideways can feel pointless or counterintuitive.
The people beside you are easy to overlook because they may not have an obvious opportunity to offer you.
Let’s say you work in sales and turn up at an industry event only to discover that the room is full of other salespeople. Where are the clients? Why have I paid £75 to spend an evening talking to a room full of people who are also here trying to sell something?
Maybe talk to them.
One of the best sales coaching sessions I had was from another founder who walked me through how she closes deals in her own business. That was incredibly valuable intel.
The person doing your job somewhere else may have figured out something you haven’t, and you might know something that helps them too.
I can't say this enough. You need to find your own doppelgängers
They don’t have to do the same job as you. Your doppelgänger might be someone else moving from an executive career into a NED portfolio, another CFO dealing with similar growing pains, a property manager running a completely different portfolio, or a woman returning from maternity leave into a demanding leadership role.
The point is to find people grappling with some of the same questions at roughly the same time as you.
So next time you’re at a networking event, ask yourself: Who are my doppelgängers? Then go and say hi.
If you work in real estate customer insight and experience, I might have your doppelgangers right here.
We created Experience Makers : a network where people working in real estate across customer experience can meet, compare notes and learn from each other. In September, we’re hosting a working group for flexible and coworking leaders and a customer experience study tour of the King’s Cross estate.
Sad you’ve missed those? Fear not, we have more coming up.
On Monday 5 October, we’re hosting an Experience Makers dinner in Munich at EXPO REAL, bringing together senior real estate leaders for an informal discussion over dinner. We’ll be sharing findings from our white paper, The State of Customer Experience in Real Estate, and exchanging ideas on how different organisations are approaching customer experience across the sector.
On Wednesday 4 November, we’re heading north to Manchester for a behind-the-scenes study tour of one of the UK’s most celebrated sustainable workplaces. Afterwards, we’ll sit down for lunch at El Gato Negro with a small group of senior real estate leaders to compare notes on what we’ve seen, what is actually working and what we can take back into our own organisations.
Then on Wednesday 18 November, we’re heading to Bluewater for another study tour, followed by lunch and discussion with fellow Experience Makers.
You can join Experience Makers anytime - our Bronze membership is completely free. We would love to meet you: https://www.experiencemakers.com/